Scooter Moon VS Sportacus
Wiz: Athleticism is something that a lot of people take for granted. But these two certainly hold it in high regard, even more so than most. Boomstick: Scooter Moon, the happy-foot animatronic and title character of Scooter Moon's Palace. Cephas: And Sportacus, the sporty, "slightly above average" hero of Lazytown. Wiz: These idiots are Boomstick and Cephas, and I'm Wiz- Boomstick: Well screw you too! Cephas: Why, I oughta... Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... All three: A Death Battle. Scooter Wiz: When Freddy Fazbear's Pizza shut its doors, a new animatronic pizza joint reared its colorful head. Boomstick: And by "colorful" we mean that everyone who enters immediately goes on a disgusting acid trip. Cephas: Scooter Moon's Pizza Palace. The proprietor, Grover Hamelton, decided that because his own safety was at risk after the Freddy Fazbear fiasco, he'd just make his robots sentient the easy way- with science. I don't know much about science, but it seems to me like forging the programming for sentience is a bit more difficult than murdering kids and stuffing them in suits. Wiz: But that's beside the point. Scooter's, despite being the successor to one of the biggest flops in pizza chain history, somehow rose to stardom for one key reason: Scooter himself. Boomstick: Scooter shot to the top of the charts for being the most... well... different animatronic in history. He's a fantastic Latin dancer, a master pizza chef and... a blindfold-utilizing drummer? What the fu-''' Cephas: Scooter's not just a showbiz man, either. He's a pretty accomplished fighter in many respects. One time, after marathoning a boxing tournament on TV, he decided that becoming a professional boxer wouldn't be a bad idea. So, naturally, he entered himself, against his friends' wishes, against the mighty Super Macho Man. Wiz: Despite the odds and the crowd being against him, Scooter pulled through in fantastic fashion and won. Needless to say, he began to rise in the ranks until just barely losing to a steroid-jacked Soda Popinski. '''Boomstick: But enough about the guy's career! Let's talk feats! Wiz: That was a feat. Boomstick: I don't care! Scooter's got a pretty ridiculous arsenal up his sleeve. His favorite weapon is a rapier-like short sword given to him by his creator. Cephas: This sword was made out of Pyrium, a little-known element that cauterizes anything it cuts. It's an impressive weapon. Boomstick: I'll say! This thing is incredible! Ever cut a 100-year-old oak tree in half? Cephas: Yeah, that's not too-'' '''Boomstick: Ever do it lengthwise?' Wiz: Let me explain. Scooter once went skydiving blind on a dare from a coworker. You know. Animatronic things. Well, the parachute didn't open, so Scooter pulled off his blindfold and pulled out his sword, aiming for a tree. Cutting from the top of the tree down, he was capable of slowing his fall until he was about ten feet above the ground, then pulled it out. Boomstick: But it's not all a bed of thornless roses! Pyrium is an incredibly fragile metal if struck at a weak point, and the sword will break if hit broadside. It can be fixed, but not easily, and certainly not during a fight. Wiz: There's also the massive amount of dance-related crap Scooter pulls out of nowhere at completely random times. Canes with knives in the tips, wooden swords that can somehow still cut through metal, a weaponized fedora named the Knifedora, which is, unsurprisingly, made of Exacto knives- Cephas: Ooh! Gimme! Boomstick: But all that pales in comparison to the kid's trump cards. And he's got quite a few of those. Wiz: First, the healing switch. When Hamelton created Scooter and his friends, he wanted to ensure his creations would last. So he made a switch that, when flipped up, would turn on an advanced healing mechanism that basically heals all damage that doesn't completely destroy the damaged parts. The whole healing process takes place in approximately thirty seconds, meaning the opponent has that long to annihilate whatever part of the animatronic was damaged. Of course, like all foolproof mechanisms, it has its flaws. Boomstick: If the separated part of Scooter's body is removed far enough that it can't be replaced, he'll grow a new one. The problem with that is, his programming will be starting from scratch when making the new part. For example, let's say Scooter's leg is removed, then teleported away. A new leg will form, but it may look nothing like the original, and may even be a drastically different size. This could be a big problem, but eh, I've seen worse. Remember that time I put us all in comas for a week? Cephas: Uh, no. Wiz: I wasn't aware that happened. Boomstick: Umm... Yeah, that's because it didn't! I was just joshing you! Hehe... Cephas: What did that have to do with the analysis? Wiz: Anyways, another flaw of the healing switch is this: if the switch itself is destroyed, it will cease to function until it's repaired. That has huge implications. If Scooter is in a fight and his opponent destroys the switch, he'll still be able to heal, but not nearly as fast or as effectively. Boomstick: The other ace up Scooter's painted-on sleeve is the Open-Face. Taking a cue from Circus Baby's Pizza World, Scooter's faceplates open! His finishing attack utilizes this in spectacular fashion. He opens his faceplates wide, clamps down on his opponent's face, and ''squeezes ''until their skull either pops or implodes. Now THAT'S a fatality! This move can crush the front of a CAR if used right! Cephas: Really, the next part's just about feats of physicality, as Scooter's not exactly a good long-range fighter. Let's see... Ah, here we go! One of Scooter's enemies, President Aaron Burns, tried to bulldoze the Pizza Palace with a massively modified CAT D5 bulldozer on grounds of safety issues. Riiiiiight. ' Boomstick: Well, that didn't go so well for him, because Scooter and his animatronic friend Niko Valentino the Bobcat flat-out ''lifted ''that thing! Into the AIR!' Wiz: A normal D5 weighs about 10,500 pounds. Highballing Niko at exactly twice Scooter's strength, this leaves Scooter with 3,300 pounds. And that's without adding all the extra machinery Burns had! It's not clear how much he added on, but in any case, this is still impressive. ' Boomstick: Scooter's dancing skills help him out as well. He once performed a tango maneuver fast enough to dodge an incoming sniper bullet! I mean, seriously! That's 3400 feet per second, and he did it without batting an eye! Granted, he doesn't need to blink, but...' Cephas: Even barring that feat as an outlier, Scooter's still really freaking fast. He can easily move faster than sight and outrun bikers while running backward. Not to mention, he's smart enough to run his own restaurant AND perform all the money operations for it. Including taxes! Most HUMANS can't do taxes! Wiz: Scooter's not very experienced in combat, though. He doesn't take it seriously at all, preferring to talk or dance his way out of any conflicts. No, seriously. He once actually tried to distract a hostile fighter by dancing. Moron. Boomstick: Uh, that actually worked. Wiz: Yeah, but it's not like it's a viable option in most situations, and it certainly won't help here. Although his tango skills have gotten him out of a lot of tough scrapes, namely the boxing bouts leading up to his showdown with Soda, the fact remains that dancing isn't enough to win a battle, especially when your opponent is just as athletic as you, if not more so. Cephas: He's also pretty cocky and often underestimates his foes, which led to his downfall against Soda Popinski and several other fighters. Not to mention, many of his combat victories have been in situations where he had his friends nearby, which he won't have here. His friends are often more skilled than him as well. Angela Wolfe the Retriever, his girlfriend, can take out like eighteen ninjas at once, and Wraith can destroy buildings with his supersonic screams. Much more impressive than Scooter can do. Boomstick: But in any event, don't underestimate this guy or he'll ANNIHILATE YOU. Scooter: Fighting is like a dance. All you gotta do is learn the right moves and string 'em together. *Gets nothing but stares from Niko, Angela, and Wraith* What? What did I say? Sportacus Cephas: ''Alright, you probably know this guy's backstory, so- Wiz: Come on, Cephas. Some readers might never have watched Lazytown before. ''Cephas: Alright, but I'm ducking out until we get to feats. I don't want to be in contact with that toxic show any more than I have to. Boomstick: He's got a point. Wiz: Uggh. Fine. Lazytown is a bustling suburban community located in an alternate-timeline Earth. Boomstick: ...Mainly populated by fat, lazy kids and adults who definitely aren't their parents. Wiz: To try to break the kids of their lethargic, selfish habits, nine people labeling themselves as superheroes tried to take the stage... and failed miserably. Boomstick: Oh. That's... anticlimactic. Wiz: Until one day, a man in a soccer jersey and a GLORIOUS mustache decided that HE would be the one to make these kids better. He attached the number 10 to his jersey in honor of those who'd fallen before and ventured into the fray. That man... was Sportacus. Cephas: Are you done yet? Wiz: Just finished. Cephas: Alright. Let's talk arsenal. Sportacus is a sports-based superhero, so naturally, he's incredibly athletic and acrobatic.He may be 52 years old, but he shows NO SIGNS of slowing down anytime soon. And that includes all the sports equipment he carries on him at all times. '' Wiz: Baseball bats, tennis rackets, golf clubs, the list goes on. He pulls this stuff out of his jersey at random and is very adept at using it. Once, he hit an apple from the tip of the earth's atmosphere to the moon in less than 12 seconds with a baseball bat. The force required to hit an apple that distance is enough to annihilate a city. '''Boomstick: This is more a feat of intelligence than a feat of strength, however. While it's true that it would take a massive amount of force to hit an apple ''that distance, most people don't realize that Sportacus was indeed at the tip of the earth's atmosphere when he did it, so there was barely any distance required to get the apple into space. ' ''Cephas: There is no friction in space, making it that much easier to hit something large distances with less force because air resistance can be factored out, not to mention the fact that the moon has its own gravitational pull. So even though it's impressive that Sportacus was able to calculate where the moon would be, or even more impressive if he just lucked it out, it's really not as much of a strength feat as people make it out to be. Wiz: But what is an impressive feat is Sportacus's speed. He was canonically stated to be 22.7 times faster than Robbie Rotten, who was able to move from the edge of Lazytown into the center in less than 3 seconds. This puts Sportacus well above 21 times the speed of sound. Boomstick: Sonic, take some freaking NOTES! Anyways, Sportacus has one last trick up his sleeve in case people get past his ridiculous physicality. If he eats an apple or other fruit, the natural sugar in the fruit completely heals him of any injuries and restores him to peak form. This is called Sports Candy, and it's incredibly convenient, as he can carry a TON of fruit on him. Cephas: But it isn't infinite. Sportacus WILL run out of fruit if you engage him for too long, and in some cases, he doesn't even carry it, like during We Are Number One, where he needed Stephanie and Stingy to resupply him after he got captured. Wiz: He's not much of a fighter, either. He may be athletic and a bold man, but he hasn't really been in a one-on-one physical confrontation at all. Usually, he either gets tricked by Robbie Rotten and needs help from the kids of Lazytown or uses some sort of plot-induced stupidity to finagle his way out of problems. Boomstick: Even so, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that bat. Sportacus: Everyone is afraid of something. Ziggy: Even you? Sportacus: No. Fight rules Wiz: Now, here's something a lot of writers don't do. To avoid confusion and angry fanboys, we're going to discuss the rules of the fight. 1. The fight will take place in a simulation (in this case, a simulated fight videogame), so no bloodshed will be permanent, and no one else will be around to give aid to either character. 2. The friends of both fighters will be allowed to communicate with them, but not to aid them in any way. This is mainly for cinematic purposes. 3. There will be no prep time involved. Both characters will only carry what they are assumed to carry on them. 4. The surrounding area will have no effect on the winner of the match. (The fight will take place in an uninhabited Lazytown.) 5. No trick KOs. If a character is dead, they are DEAD. This will be indicated at the end of the fight and is also mainly cinematic. Death Battle! Pixel was playing a fighting game on his computer when Sportacus walked in. "Oh, hey!" Pixel exclaimed. "You want to try this game? It's really fun! I'm playing this dude named Scooter, and he's pretty good." Sportacus folded his arms. "You know how I feel about those games, Pixel." Suddenly, a voice boomed from the computer. "Not like you have a choice." Suddenly, a vortex appeared in the center of Pixel's computer, and Sportacus was sucked into it, flailing the entire way. "Sportacus!" yelled Pixel. "Hey, guys! We've got a problem!" Stephanie, Ziggy, Trixie, and Stingy ran into the room. "Hey... Didn't Sportacus just come in here?" asked Ziggy. "Yeah, and he went in there!" Pixel exclaimed, pointing to the hole onscreen. Sportacus's voice emanated from the computer. "Guys! I'm... I'm alright! I think... That portal was just meant for me!" Meanwhile, at the Pizza Palace... Scooter was taking a break from tax returns by playing a lesser-known fighting game. Niko and Angie walked in behind him. "How ya doing, kid?" Niko asked, peering at the screen. "Whoa. Pretty close match, eh?" "Yeah. Whoever I'm fighting, he's not bad." Scooter nodded. Another robotic voice suddenly surrounded them. "You'll soon find out just how good this person is," it growled. "Endo! Is that you?" Angie fumed, stepping back. "I swear, if this is a prank and you hurt my Scooter..." The vortex that had grabbed Sportacus reappeared. Scooter was pulled toward it. Angie screamed and grabbed Scooter by the wrist, but her grip slid off like butter, and Scooter flew through the center of the screen. The other workers stepped back. Wraith flew into the room, above the heads of the other two. "I sensed a power surge! What happened?" Angie, mute with fear, could only point to the screen. Niko was a bit less afraid. "Scoot got pulled into that black hole thing. I can't tell, but it looks like it was meant to pull in him and just him." Suddenly, Scooter called out from inside the computer, "Hey! Angie! Niko! What program was running when I got pulled in?" "Comp Combat. Why?" "I think I know what I gotta do to get out of here. But it involves me fighting in-game. Are you ok with that?" "Whatever you need to do to get out here again." Angie stuck her face right up against the screen. "Scooter, if you get yourself killed in there, I won't be able to forgive myself!" "It's okay, Angie. I'll be fine. You know me." "That's the problem... I know you." Inside Comp Combat... Sportacus materialized in a blank space. He blinked a few times and glanced around. "What the..." Meanwhile, Scooter appeared somewhere else in the space. He saw Sportacus afar off. "Hey!" he yelled. "You must be the guy I need to fight to get out of here!" "Don't be so eager, Scooter. You will get your chance to fight. But not yet. I must explain some things first." The voice that pulled the two into the game suddenly had a face. Just a face, from the look of it. "Okay, wise guy! What gives you the right to just kidnap people and make them fight for sport?" Scooter balled up his fists. "Why, might, of course. Now. I am the Simulationist, and I have dominion here. The two of you, Scooter Moon and Sportacus, will be fighting to the simulated death, in an area of my choosing. Notice that your friends can talk to you. This is a rare convenience that I do not generally allow." Simulationist nodded his head. "One of your questions must be, is my death permanent? My answer is no. You are fighting purely for my amusement, and you will both be returned home intact at the end of the fight. You will be fighting in Lazytown. Make the most of your surroundings. And remember, this is my domain. I can keep you here as long as I please if you refuse to comply. Let the battle begin!" And before either fighter could react, Simulationist disappeared, replaced by the entirety of Lazytown. Scooter tensed his grip on his sword. "Alright, I guess this is it..." Sportacus pulled out a baseball bat. "Indeed." Fight! (Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhaEulPm0nE ) Scooter pulled his sword out of its sheath. The blade glowed a bright red. "I'm sorry, but I gotta kick your butt now." He ran forward and swung in a wide arc. Sportacus blocked the hit with his bat. The two clashed again, this time sliding both weapons in until the hilts were touching. Sportacus let go of the bat with one hand, reached into his backpack and brought out a tennis racket. Before Scooter could react, Sportacus swung the racket up and knocked Scooter back. Scooter put his sword away, realizing it would be useless in this situation, and rushed forward, hoping to get some close hits with his fists instead. He grabbed the tennis racket and ripped it from Sportacus's grasp. Sportacus responded by slamming the baseball bat into Scooter's chest, knocking him into the air. Scooter shifted in midair to wall jump off of a building, just barely missing an apple flying past him. The apple smashed into the building, blowing a hole in the building. Scooter landed on the ground and looked behind him. "Wait... An apple? Did you seriously just hit an- AAGH!" He was cut off by a baseball hitting him in the face, and fell over. Sportacus picked up his bat, ran up, and prepared to bash Scooter's face in. Scooter pulled his sword out again and blocked the bat, then rolled over and slashed a conveniently placed tree in half, burning the wood as the blade went through. The tree fell toward him, and subsequently, Sportacus. Scooter rolled again to escape the tree. Sportacus wasn't so lucky. Scooter got up, examined the fallen tree, and pumped his fist. "Yeah! Victory!" he exclaimed. Suddenly, Simulationist reappeared. "Remember, Scooter, you must fight TO THE DEATH!" he scolded, then disappeared. "What? But..." Scooter turned back to the tree. It was now rocking back and forth violently. Finally, a fist punched up through the trunk of the tree. A fist holding... an apple core. "Oh, COME ON! YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!" Scooter yelled as Sportacus lifted the tree off him and stalked toward the robot, bat raised. "My sports candy is more powerful than you realize, boy." Sportacus was no longer playing. "It's time you knew how we do things in Lazytown." He picked up another baseball and threw it into the air. Scooter stepped back, analyzing the situation. He closed his eyes... and the solution came to him. My healing switch! He reached down to his left calf, flipped the switch, and stood up... right before the baseball slammed into his head, knocking it off. Sportacus scoffed. "Weakling." (Cue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yU_FSvxOZQ ) But Scooter remained standing, and a couple seconds later, his head grew back, complete with his Knifedora. "Hey, duff!" he yelled. "That was a perfectly good head you just wrecked!" Scooter pulled off his Knifedora, shook it once to bring out the blades, and threw it at Sportacus. The fedora split in midair, revealing itself to be made of three discs covered in knives. Sportacus spun, ducked, and dodged all three discs. He knelt on the ground as two of the discs returned to Scooter. The third, which took a bit more time to return, embedded itself in Sportacus's back. The man wasted no time, pulling out another apple and crunching the whole thing in his jaws. Scooter took advantage of the delay to run forward and bring his sword into the air. Sportacus brought up his bat and shattered ''the sword. Scooter staggered back upon the impact, but then threw the broken hilt of the sword into Sportacus's face. Sportacus screamed and pulled the sword out, throwing it up into the air blindly, then smashed Scooter into the air with his bat. Scooter grabbed the hilt as he flew up, slamming it into the side of a building to slow his fall. Sportacus ran up with the bat, blood streaming out of his wound. He took a few blind swings, before realizing that he wouldn't get a hit like this. He reached into his backpack to look for an apple... but found that he'd run out. "No!" he exclaimed. Scooter landed on the ground, walked up to Sportacus, and folded his arms. "You know, I pity you," he snarled. "You're blind, weakened, and in immense pain." He smiled. "So here's what I'll do. I'll put you out of your misery." Suddenly, his faceplates split open. He grabbed the screaming Sportacus and shoved his mechanical face into that of the Slightly Above-Average Hero. The plates hesitated, then clamped down on Sportacus's face. No longer able to scream, Sportacus simply sat there, awaiting his fate. And it came. With a crunch, Scooter's faceplates punched right through Sportacus's skull and ripped his face clean off. Scooter pulled back, disgusted. His faceplates closed, and he spit out pieces of Sportacus's face as the former hero toppled to the ground. No human, not even Sportacus, would survive that. (Cue: https://musescore.com/vga/scores/3140276 ) Simulationist reappeared. "Excellent work, Scooter. You are indeed the winner. I will now restore Sportacus to his former state and repair all your equipment." Suddenly, Sportacus reassembled and stood whole again. Simulationist nodded at the two fighters. "You both fought impeccably. I am satisfied. I will now allow you to return to your homes." Scooter turned to Sportacus as the two began to disappear. "You fought really well. I hope we can have a match again sometime." "Agreed. You are an impressive opponent." Sportacus smiled and extended a hand. Scooter shook it right before he vanished. Back in the Palace Scooter materialized just outside of the wormhole. "Hey, guys," he murmured weakly. "I won." Angie screamed and threw her arms around her boyfriend. "SCOOTER MOON, I ALMOST DIED WORRYING ABOUT YOU!" she shrieked. "Yeah, I know," Scooter answered, gently pulling her off. "But that guy... I wonder who he is in his area of the world? He looked like someone really important, and he was a great sportsman." "Who cares?!" Niko exclaimed, slamming one giant paw into Scooter's back. "You're alive! Dat's what matters!" "It's still bugging me..." Scooter walked out of the room puzzling over the matter. Angie and Niko glanced at each other, then followed. In Pixel's Treehouse Sportacus reappeared in the treehouse. The kids gathered around him, questioning him as to what happened. He waved them all off. "That boy was better than me. That's all that mattered in the fight. There's always someone better." He smiled. "That's why you always need to be your best." He looked pensively into the distance, his speech trailing off as the others left. Maybe, someday, he and Scooter would meet again. Maybe they would even fight together. As allies this time. Possibly even as friends. KO! ''Cephas: Ow... Right in the feels... Wiz: This fight was incredibly difficult to decipher. Sportacus was much stronger and more experienced than Scooter, while Scooter was a lot smarter and had a wider arsenal, as well as more calculable feats of strength and speed. Boomstick: All that aside, neither really had anything they could do to finish the other off. Both the Sports Candy and the Healing Switch were almost instantaneous healing devices that completely eliminated injuries, and neither fighter could get around 'em. Cephas: ...That is, except for one specific circumstance. Once Sportacus ran out of Sports Candy, he was pretty much GONE. Scooter's wider arsenal and ridiculously powerful finisher, combined with his already-enhanced healing, made him more than Lazytown's savior could handle without apples. Boomstick: Scooter's also technically a bit hardier even without the healing switch. He took hits from the boxers of Punch-Out and didn't even sway, despite never having trained for boxing or conditioned his mind! Also, metal beats human skin every time. Wiz: Scooter's bullet-dodging feat puts him at about 2318 miles per hour. While it's not nearly as fast as Sportacus can run, Scooter's still fast enough to hold his own. Not to mention, his bulldozer feat gives him more lifting strength than Sportacus has ever shown, even if Sportacus showed more striking strength ONE TIME THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW. Boomstick: Sportacus just couldn't reach his ''goal. ''Get it? Because soccer? Cephas: *sighs* You had to go there. *pulls out one of his Colts and holds it to his neck* Wiz: The winner is Scooter Moon. *Gunshot* Cephas: Aw, crap. Forgot I was immune to bullets. Boomstick: Wait, what? Category:"Fnaf vs Lazytown" themed Death Battles Category:'OC vs Character' Themed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2018 Category:Fireballsyum's OC introduction DBs Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Death Battles in Need of a Title Card